Like Persona 3 I’m Pulling the trigger

My eye as of 11.20.21

Long and short of it is that I’ve decided my rapidly declining mental health is more than the fiscal health care responsibilities of future me. My deductible being paid now or later is no matter. I still have an out of pocket responsibility of 6k each year also and none of my co-pays or medicines go towards the deductible so it’s kinda a catch 22. In January the deductible resets so meh if I don’t plan to use the insurance but in the regular manner the “savings” don’t amount to much… Yay American Healthcare system.

My physician is already surprised at how “bad” I’ve stood the emulsified oil getting. It’s not really my nature to give in early, or nor push what I can stand. Adaptation is something that I’ve had to do all my life as a preemie so fighting is my default. I’m just choosing my comfort this time. I had to cancel stream today and it hurt. I had not missed a day in November til now but my eye was burning and I was so tired. I will attempt to stream on Monday I’m not completely defeated yet but it’s time for the surgery I feel it.

Persona!

I still have a few fleeting days that are better than most but I have to be relaxed and focused on a task. I still can believe I made it through House of Ashes only a week ago and beat the game in a 5hr and 45min time frame with no game over but I missed a lot of buttons. A lot can change in a week though. We are never promised tomorrow.

This time though since I’m home and Goddess willing the surgery goes well I’m not wasting a moment I want to plunge forward with new projects, improving my stream message, and building myself and friends up. I want my misery and life experiences to help others. I strive to teach people to be themselves and proud of who they really are. To unquestionably strive for individual happiness as long as you’re not harming others physically or mentally with intentions to do so. Learn about feelings, different perspectives, critical thinking, and self reflection. Maybe I’m crazy and no one is listening but if I help one person that’s enough.

We all should be more open with eachother.

From the ashes we rise

Stream stats from Monday.

So my first let’s go nuzloke ended at part 5 to a pokemon with fissure. I was kinda crushed and disheartened over the thoughts of starting over but you can’t succeed if you stop trying so I vowed we would start again that following Monday. After taking the weekend to think about it I was ready to restart because the pokemon streaming community is important to me and I really enjoy it.

I’ve played pokemon since the first games came to the U.S, blue was my first game, and I’ve been in love ever since. My partners and I are working on getting an plug in for the pc that plays game boy, sp, and game boy advanced games as well as home brewed pokemon games. It’s only like $50 USD but wouldn’t get here til December if we ordered now. This is not necessary but we aren’t comfortable putting roms on our PC.

I also ordered a small cosplay and a wall mount for my streaming mic.

So eventually after my domination of let’s go Pikachu maybe we will go back and do nuzlokes of older games. Trainer Cora is here to stay! I hope you all are into it. Other things are happening on stream too like my wife and I are streaming together on Wednesday’s and my bestie Jamie may start streaming from my channel on Thursdays or Saturdays. Those are days that I am off currently.

We smashed the goals for September so look for these special streams coming up.

I hope everyone’s lives are going well currently and that you’re growing day by day. Remember good things take time, Rome wasn’t built in a day and such. Be kind to yourself and others.

Don’t forget to start reading the book club book!

Blessed be ❤

Technical definition of a Curse

Curses cost both parties.

So a curse to me is an intention from one person that is meant to harm or impede another’s persons life in some manner, usually very negatively. A lot of the time curses, to me, aren’t worth it because I try very hard to not let someone affect me to that level but it’s happened a few times. Dark workings do take energy from both parties though so you must be prepared to give something of yourself in order to gain your desired outcome.

In the Greenaway book a curse is defined as  A negative energy impact sent from a supernatural source to a living person. Cursing can affect people’s life by sending them harmful words or a form of ill wishing.  Transferring destructive psychic energy can curse a person giving them a lifetime of bad luck, illness, or unhappiness. Cursing is a form of dark magick that is practiced in religions such as witchcraft and voodoo.

The mind control is believed to be All-powerful so if anything wrong mentally is projected on another it can and does often cause harm. According to some cultures curses can only be effective if the receiver believes in the power of the curse others trust in the “bounce back effect” meaning that the curser will encounter negative karma as well as the cursed for their actions. This also plays into the rule of the Wiccan Reed ‘harm none and do what thou will’ mainly meaning do unto others as you would want done to you. Sounds familiar doesn’t it?

Personally I don’t think curses should be used unless the circumstances are dire. The loss of personal karma and energy is not really worth the supposed positives. Is it satisfying to have someone taught a lesson by your own hand? Yeah but karma will come to them in good time. Why rush their demise?

Blessed be lovely people. 😍

Body’s are interesting

A place of calm reflection.

This morning I was admiring my beautiful wife and her belly button caught my eye. Yeah I know that sounds weird but I don’t have one because of surgery and other things. If you’re curious there is more about my medical history in this blog but that’s not the focus right now. So I asked her what it feels like to have one.

She says that she is jealous of the fact I don’t have one because she sees it as a place for lint, a source of uneasiness if someone else puts their finger in there, and that belly buttons in general look weird. I have absolutely no concept of these things lol. I’m just confused when your navel is used as a starting place for a measurement.

I find it fun to explore things I don’t understand but that is common for others. This happens to be a physical trait but this can apply to religions, dress, customs, social norms or anything else you can question in life. I am not an advocate for running up to strangers and asking these, sometimes super personal, questions but if you have a friend, spiritual leader, or ya know the internet research your happy little heart out. A closed mind is one of life’s greatest failures. Question everything!

Knowledge is power and sharing it is one of my favorite things to do. Knowledge is sometimes hidden from others by companies, workplaces, and religious organisations (there’s other groups that hide stuff but I’m hitting the highlights here). In my world that’s improper, all people should have the opportunity to make well informed decisions about everything. If people choose not to use the information available to them that is their choice. You can’t fix stupid. Lol.

Blessed be my lovelies 💖